We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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