This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
