thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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