never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
