We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
