You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
