So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
