your parents love me but you hate me
My first STD was from a foam party
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
