you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
