i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize