mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
