People in love make me want to vomit
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
