What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
