You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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