I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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