I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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