She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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