Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
