Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
