you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
