Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
