I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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