I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
