I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
