we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
