yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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