I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
two words: eviction party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
