maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
