It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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