It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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