Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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