I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
