I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
