I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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