why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
