You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i think i just lost a toe
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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