Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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