He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
