Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
that's an acceptable place to lick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
