end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
