It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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