I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
