Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
