I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
