the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
