omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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