is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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