so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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