He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
