Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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