SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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