I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
