We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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