We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
