So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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