i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
