I want to have your abortion
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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