I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
