Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
