literally had 100 drinks last night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
