Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
