Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
